Thursday, March 12, 2015

On slaying giants and facing fears

Well the first week of March was glorious and not just because it was March break. My sister Susan came for a week from Newfoundland to visit and support me in this whole ordeal. What a great time we had, laughing, reminiscing, shopping, snowshoeing and just basically getting out of the "cancer routine". She was originally scheduled to be here with me during one of my treatments but because there had been delays, it didn't work out. However, it was much more fun this way and Daniel and the girls and I really appreciated her time with us and practical help in the house.


 Then the after sister's visit/ before chemo blues hit. Needless to say I was "fit to be tied" as they say in Newfoundland. As the week advanced and I missed my sister I also began anticipating with much anxiety this next chemo treatment, knowing it would be the same drug and fearing the same uncomfortable, yes even painful adverse reactions. I really began to lose heart and get discouraged. The emotions just seem to come out of nowhere and completely overwhelm me.

During this time my solace was in song. And I quickly realized why the Psalmist David used song so much when he was fighting his own battles, some of them literally battling for his life. So I turned once again to my CDs and my mp3 player and forced myself to hear God's truth told, whether I wanted to or not, and to be open to receive this comfort and the reminders that sometimes can come only hidden in a beautiful melody.

Here are some parts of songs that have greatly spoken to my heart this week:

Steven Curtis Chapman - Our God Is In Control
This is not how it should be
This is not how it could be
This is how it is
And our God is in control
This is not how it will be
When we finally will see
We'll see with our own eyes
He was always in control

This is not where we planned to be
When we started this journey
But this is where we are
And our God is in control

Though this first taste is bitter
There will be sweetness forever
When we finally taste and see
That our God is in control
Kristyn and Keith Getty - Jesus Draw me ever nearer
Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial                                 
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne

Aaron Keyes - You are Sovereign over us
There is strength within the sorrow, There is beauty in our tears
You meet us in our mourning, With a love that casts out fear
You are working in our waiting, You're sanctifying us
When beyond our understanding, You're teaching us to trust

Your plans are still to prosper, You have not forgotten us
You're with us in the fire and in the flood
You're faithful forever
Perfect in love
You are sovereign over us

You are wisdom unimagined
Who could understand Your ways
Reigning high above the Heavens
Reaching down in endless grace
You're the lifter of the lowly
Compassionate and kind
You surround and You uphold me
And Your promises are my delight

Even what the enemy means for evil
You turn it for our good
You turn it for our good and for Your glory
Even in the valley, You are faithful
You're working for our good
You're working for our good and for Your glory
Then this past Tuesday afternoon I find out the news that my white blood cell count is too low again and my chemo will be put off for another week, once again.
I was frustrated at first because this pushes everything ahead, but then realized that this is probably just what I need - another week to make my body stronger, readjust my meds and just relax and rest. Moreover, when I look back to what God has been trying to teach me through song, I can only have a thankful heart. He is in control, sovereign. He does know what He's doing and I can slay those giants and face those fears with Him, in every valley.


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