Friday, March 27, 2015

Highs and lows

I am thankful to say that following my treatment last Wed. I did not have the same intense side effects as after the fourth treatment - the regular aches and pains, some stomach sensitivity etc, but very controllable with the meds. Thank God!

On Monday, March 23rd I turned 50 yrs old! Originally I was supposed to be going through my last chemo treatment on that day. But because of day changes and treatments being put off, that didn't happen. And I'm glad for that because I was able to attend my wonderful surprise party organized for me by my family and friends this past Sunday.
They did a marvelous job - I didn't suspect a thing! It was so touching to see reunited in one room many lovely ladies who have been a part of my life at different stages since I have lived in Quebec: from my 2 sisters-in-law and Mother-in-law to friends from our old church in Pointe-aux Tembles to friends from the homeschool group in Vermont and so on. Quite the cross-section of people, some speaking English and some French, but all who have touched my life in some way over the past 28yrs.

I was so overwhelmed with joy, happiness and thankfulness that these ladies would come to Dunham to celebrate me, so touched by their love. And then there were the cards filled with notes of encouragement that I could only read the next day, cause I didn't think my heart could take so much emotion in one day! Thank you to those who came and to those who sent cards or messages via email or Facebook. I was very touched and felt loved!
 A couple of days later I find out the news of 3 ladies deaths from cancer, two from breast cancer, one who I knew personnally. Talk about a nose dive into the depths of sadness. It has been a hard few days, many tears, those old fears resurfacing. I let the tears fall, knowing that this too is for a season. My body and emotions are becoming weary of this journey, but the end is near.

A song by Michael W. Smith has been an encouragement to me to hang on when I don't feel like it:

There's a rose in the desert
Blooming red in the drought
There's a quenching rain
In the wings of the gathering clouds

Lift your eyes
Look to the horizon now
There's still a hope for us
Reach up from the dust
And call it down

One of my favorite Psalms, Psalm 139, reminds me over and over again the God has my story in His hands, under His control. I do not have to fear the story of another person. That was her story for reasons that I cannot and may not ever comprehend. My story is unique and different and I can trust the author, for He is faithful.

 Psalm 139:15-16
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in secret,
and intricately put together in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw me unformed,
yet in Your book
all my days were written, before any of them came into being.


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